glamgaby

Taking a cue from Ally’s blog….I have also been holding back….alot! I feared for people to look at my blog and say she is messed up. I have been dealing with alot of things lately and have not been able to get it out! I am going through a very difficult time emotionally!!!!!

I ended a 5 year relationship with the guy I thought I was going to marry. The saddest part is I am still in love with him. Everyday, I ask myself “why didn’t he love me enough” and “why wasn’t I enough” Needless to say. my self-esteem is on the floor. I am having a HARD time picking up the pieces! The past 2 weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. This week I was a little more calm but the little voice in my head whispers “What is wrong with me?”

I am scared of life now. I thought I knew myself….I thought I knew what I stood for….and I thought I loved myself….but I feel so shaky right now. I feel like I don’t know myself anymore. I am mad as HELL that I feel like this and over a guy. I mad that I am not strong enough! I feel broken right now.

I am trying to put myself back together. But I want to be stronger than before. I want to never lose who I am and question my worth. I ask God to search me and break me to build me back up again. I know that I am going through one of the most beautiful times of my life…although I don’t see it that way most of the times.The process is painful! I know it will take time but I wanted to let you guys know what I am going through. Thanks for letting me vent.

I’ve read this before, but I am posting it as a reminder to myself :) 

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.Let them go.And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

what’s with the title…..ok I’ll explain! I worked out twice today!!! I went wogging this morning and went to zumba class in the p.m. I wasn’t very hungry today and since I became preoccupied taking my pommies to the vet, I forgot to eat! Yeah that’s a first!!! By the time I knew it, it was time to leave for my Zumba class. I didn’t want to go on an empty stomach.I scarfed down 1/2 cup of pasta and 1/2 cup of ground turkey with veggies. I was good to go! I kicked but in my Zumba class to the tune of 700 calories burned! WOO HOO!!! I decided I still have so many calories left over, especially after 2 work outs that I would give myself a little treat. I stopped at Sonic and decided to get a powerade. I figured I have so many cals to reach my daily intake, why not? Make it a ROute 44!!!!!!!!!! I enjoyed my HOSS of a drink thinking ahhh its only 300 cals when I had over 800 to spare. I get home and enter into cal king. Guess how much?????????????????????????????????????????????

632!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I screamed! My ZUmba workout went down the toilet! Yes, I still have alot of cals to spare. But still, it’s the principle!

I am sticking to Water and Water only! Won’t make that mistake AGAIN!!!!!! so much for small lil treats

Happy Sunday  Buddies! It’s had many ups and downs, yet this week has been a good week. Thank you so much for the support, especially you Trish. Everytime I think of your comments, it gives me a lil extra push to keep on going and finish the race. I know your words come from a place of  experience, love, and most importantly strength. I have been so fortunate to meet such kind individuals even if it’s only on the net. Virtual HUGS to all of you!

I am happy to report that I workout 7 out 7 days for 45-1 hr and twice on Tuesday for a total of 24 miles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO

My water intake has been so so but much better than in past weeks/months

I have logged my food intake every day and stayed within my range!

I am so proud of myself! It’s hard to be completely happy right now because I am hurt but I am choosing to SMILE through my tears. This reminds me of yesterday at the track. The sun was shinning but it was raining. I LOVE SUNSHOWERS!!!!!!! My emotions are a sunshower! WHich reminds me of the lyrics of Madonna’s song “Give it to me” my anthem for this summer (REMEMBER I’m a good TEXAS girl ya’ll)  but I love the lyrics. They make me run faster on the track…..

What are you waiting for?
Nobody’s gonna show you how
Why wait for someone else
To do what you can do right now?

Got no boundaries and no limits
If there’s excitement, put me in it
If it’s against the law, arrest me
If you can handle it, undress me

Don’t stop me now, don’t need to catch my breath
I can go on and on and on
When the lights go down and there’s no one left
I can go on and on and on

Give it 2 me, Yeah
No one’s gonna show me how
Give it 2 me, Yeah
No one’s gonna stop me now

They say that a good thing never lasts
And then it has to fall
Those are the the people that did not
Amount to much at all

Give me the bassline and I’ll shake it
Give me a record and I’ll break it
There’s no beginning and no ending
Give me a chance to go and I’ll take it

So I jumped the gun and decided to weigh myself………..and I lost 5 lbs!!!!!! I am very happy about that and it’s giving me more fuel to keep going. My official weigh in date is Sunday morning..so I am hoping one more pound. I know it sounds alot for a week but I realize it’s all water weight. Also, since I have put on 24 pounds since August 2007….I feel this additional weight should be a little less difficult to take off because it was due to stress and emotional eating. By changing my diet and exercising daily, I am confident that these 24 lbs will simply melt away :). I started my C25K program again yesterday and this time I want to complete the 9 weeks. I want to get conditioned so that I can run the Komen race in September.

Every morning when I am on the track, I envision my how I will look when I reach my goal weight and what clothes I am planning on wearing. I have a pair of white pants that fit me perfectly when I was the best physicially. I am planning on wearing those pants soon and having them fit me better than before.

I am going through a change and it can be difficult. But I know in my heart of hearts that this change is absolutely necessary. My intuition leads me to belive that this change is for the better. So, I embrace it and I pray for strength and determination. I know know deep inside, there is this endless supply of strength. I am ready to envoke it

Thanks for all the support buddies. I wish you much success this week as you weigh in. I’d like to share one of my favorite quotes and hopefully it will inspire you as much as it inspires me :

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others” -Nelson Mandela

Stay Strong!!

Yesterday started off great! But after noon, it took a turn for the worst! I almost lost my pomeranian! She ran away and I ran after her, she almost got run over. Thank God she didn’t. THe good thing is that I started jogging by accident. I had to run after her…..and my back felt better.

My car did not want to turn on….I dont know why. Nothing is wrong exept the ignition got locked.Luckily, it become unlocked in the evening. Having no car sucks. I felt trapped.

I was sad because I didn’t get to go to Discovery Green and take my zumba class.

Lastly, this is the saddest news….I had my heart broken into a million pieces. I dont care to elaborate but I know this is for the best. It just really hurts. I am going to try to use this experience to make me a better person. I am using this as motivation to lose the weight and get healthy, mentally and spiritally as well as phsically. Thanks for the support buddies!

Hey Everyone!

I had a great day today!!!!

I walked 6 miles today at the park (3 in the am and 3 in the pm) Felt so good and my back is beginning to feel stronger!

I had lunch with my BFF and we had the giggles! We could not stop laughing! Then we went to see “The Strangers” scary and creepy

I stayed within my calorie range …I wasn’t that hungry

I had my 8 cups of H2O

Overall today was a smashing success!!!! Thanks to Trishkaa who motivating comment helped me see the glass half full! I will fit in to the “lil” cocktail dress by the time the SATC DVD comes out!

On another note-Guess What??????????????????

My 10 year high reunion is in October. I haven’t made up my mind if I am going but I feel that if I don’t go I will regret it. That only gives me 4 months to get into shape! Time to get my butt in GEAR!!!!!!!!! I can surely lose some poundage by then! This is another motivating factor! I can and will do THIS!!

Have a great week buddies!!!! Toodles!!!!!!

It feels like 10 years have passed since my last post….maybe bc it’s practically been that long!!! Many things have occured during this time yet sadly weightloss not being one of them. I weight 4 more lbs than when I started!

Ahhh….but what is done is done and there is no need to beat myself up. Time to gain control. I am really super frustrated! I hurt my back and have a muscle spasm since Monday. Just when I want to work out!!!!!!!!!!!! But I saw my Dr. and she said I could walk! I am planning on doing just that….not over doing it…but I need exercise.

Apparently I found out today that there is a family reunion being planned in a month! EVIL …..lol but if I had no motivation before…now is the TIME! I am feeling so lethargic and bloated! I feel saturated with carbs! So I listened to my body and I started eating SB phase 1. I am restricting my carb intake. Only good carbs like veggies and some dairy. I am planning on following this plan for 2 to 3 weeks and gradually introduce better carbs into my world!

So with that said, these are my goals for June:

1. Log in all my food intake…even when I go over on calorieking

2. Walk for 30-45 minutes at the park

3. Take my vitapaks

4. Drink 8 cups of h20

5. Relax and enjoy more outdoor activities!

6. Blog everyday

7. Weigh in every Friday

I have a few things I am happy about! Like almost every other red blooded female I went to see the SATC movie Friday! I loved it! I laughed…I cried….I had an anxiety attack! It was freaking FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want my Mr. BIG. Alot of the girls where wearing their cute coktail dresses and heels and I so wanted to be one of them! If I could get my fat butt into my lil black dress! More like Big black dress…lmao!

I am on summer vaction! WOO HOO! I don’t go back to work until August 11th! SWEET! I do however have 2 grad school courses I am taking starting June 9th! But I am looking forward to hanging with my school buddies! I miss them….havent hung out since finals in May.

The BFs bday is June 25 and I want to feel sexy again and wear something cute. That is another BIG MOTIVATING FACTOR! I want him to see me make progress! He’s been losing weight and I don’t want to be this fat will powerless BLOB next to him! I want to show him I can set my mind to it and do it! This weightloss is for me!

I love Madonna’s new single “Give it to me” I put it on my ipod!!! I need some good jams to keep me motivated!

I was so glad to get together with my friends on friday’s SATC premeir. One of my best friends looked great! I am happy for her but it motivated me as well. I guess you can call it some healthy friendvy!

So glad to be back! Onward and Downward buddies!!!!!!

Ugh school and work have really been taking a toll on me. I am so happy I took my last final for the semester today. A great way to spend Cinco de Mayo! I have fallen off the wagon for 2 weeks or so. I have been really depressed and stuffing everything into my mouth. I don’t know what it wrong with me!! I gave myself a kick in the butt this weekend. I don’t want to look or feel like this anymore. I want to start doing FUN stuff again. My weight holds me back from going to social functions and its time I began living life to the fullest.

So this is my plan for May:

I am going to work my way up to doing an hr of cadio 5 days out of the week

Log in all my meals in my journal

Resume Zumba classes this month

Increase my H2O intake

Take my vitapaks again

Blog at least weekly

Stay at or under my suggested calorie intake

My short term goal is 10 lbs!

If I accomplish this feat, I will get my hair highlighted! I’ll keep you guys posted!!

I’ve been on working out and trying to eat right for 25 days and I have lost 5 lbs so far! I am content with my progress and I am so motivated to keep it up! I am craving working out. I feel in control and am really proud of myself. I started a new workout program with my trainer Mike and I have been kicking butt in the gym for 2 weeks! I simply cannot wait to see my transformation.

Today was a weird day! This morning I was so pumped! I felt good about all the changes that are going on in my life. I felt as if all my goals are reachable. All of a sudden, I got so angry for no reason! I shut myself in my office and didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone. Then I started remembering all this stuff that makes me sad. I felt a wave to sadness try to invade and felt like crying. I didn’t let myself cry! I feel like I am trying to sabotage myself and I can’t and won’t let myself do that! What is up with these mood swings?  I thought I’d ask you guys. I feel calmer as I am writing this. Thanks for centering me slim buddies!